Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
