Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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