I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
