You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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