farters have to be the big spoon...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
