What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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