just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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