wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
