Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
