Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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