I could make wine with my vomit
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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