I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
