Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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