I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
