i jhust puked up my retainher.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
