Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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