I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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