Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't put those talents on a resume
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
