I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
