You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
