i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
false alarm, still single
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
