I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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