the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Still dying that you shit outside
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
