so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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