You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
