You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
