It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
