Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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