How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
