Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So vagazzling was a success
Please don't give away my fajitas
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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