You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
