1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
