You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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