naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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