you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
