I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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