This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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