Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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