I'm jealous of your bromance
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
