just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
