You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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