I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
