this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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