I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
