I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
