I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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