Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
