A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just pee around me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
