Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
