He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
