i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
