my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
