I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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