Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I look better un-naked...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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