Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
