Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
tell me about the fingering
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