your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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