What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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