I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I love how my cats smell like pot.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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