she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You ruined the universe
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
