Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
