i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
