So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
