I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
