Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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