you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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