I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
