dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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