My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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