white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
