You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
