I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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