On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
