Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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