I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
