Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
