You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
