...so i touched it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
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I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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