shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
