I think my fart just growled at me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
