Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
