True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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